Like the title? I came up with it all by myself :-D. It stands for Kelly Clarkson Come Out The Fucking Closet (I toyed with adding an N onto it but decided against it)
Yeah so I decided (read hope) that Kelly is at least Bi and should join us all in this unique community of sluts, whores, Lohan and Spears. OK, I’m kidding about that last bit. I know we’re not all sluts and whores, and some of us are actually *gasp* monogamous. So shove that in your pipe and smoke it you homophobic judgemental twats!
Anyway…I have come up with some “evidence” that proves that Kelly should come out of the fucking closet.
Exhibit A
The Crossroads Incident
On CMT crossroads with Reba McIntyre (one of the minor goddesses), she sang “You dedicated, you took the time, wasn’t long til I called her mine”. Yes, HER. With the same look in her eye you get when you come out to your best friend or parents for the first time. You know the one. Don’t believe me? Search for it on youtube. It’s all there. And on KCEmedia.com if you want to savour it for all time as I have (it’s all on my ipod my darlings). A similar thing happened on the Star Lounge performances when she said “I guess she never, he never felt that way”, Freudian slip or did she correct herself because of the record company? Hmm?
Exhibit B
The photos
The dyke-looking fauxhawk, the photos on the My December CD…She looked like a dyke, now don’t get me wrong, so do I but I’m bi and allowed to look like that a lot of the time. She’s supposedly straight, though if I met her in a bar looking like that I’d try and hit on her, though that doesn’t say a lot now, does it? But you know what I mean, she does look, well, a bit gay.
Exhibit C
Her lyrics
Let’s look at the My December album, shall we? She wrote all of the songs herself with a little help, but why don’t we examine some of them?
“You wrote me in a letter, you couldn’t say it right to my face” What kind of wimpy guy writes a letter to a girl to break up with her? That’s right, none. That’s a girly thing to do, and I know she said she’s not basing it on anyone in particular, but you’d have to have had that done to you to even think about that, right?
“I don’t need to be fixed and I certainly don’t need to be found”. How many of you have been told that you need to be fixed, that you just haven’t found the right guy? And how many of you have been told by the damn Christians that you just need to find God. Has no one seen But I’m A Cheerleader? Being fixed is something that the straight people try to do to us! Bastards.
“All the time you spent trying to fit in and no one even cares” Yeah, there are some lesbians and bisexuals that try and fit in with the straight world, scared to be gay, scared that someone will find out. I mean, hello, it’s not a disease! Though I guess it probably should be, the way some people treat us.
Exhibit D
Crimson And Clover
“I, I don’t hardly know her
But I think I could love her
Crimson and clover
Over and over”
Come on, that is like one of the lesbian anthems! She might as well shove on an Indigo Girls t-shirt and tattoo “I love women” on her forehead. Cos performing that song isn’t gonna help her even pretend to be straight.
So that’s my four exhibits and I put it to you, the jury to decide - Lesbian, Bi, Straight or Otherwise? Or do you just not give a fuck?
God I hope some obsessed fans come on here and try and argue with me. I love conflict specially with teenies.
Until next time, I’ll let you decide.
Jen xxx
*Disclaimer: This is a bit of fun. NOT to be taken seriously. So please don’t sue my ass, I really don’t have that much. Honest.
